The Gospel of the blind man was recognized by my boys, specifically my middle son. We had listened to the reading prior to Liturgy. A nasty virus kept us home today, but we made the best of it, watching the service from our kitchen table. A smile vivaciously covered my face, knowing that the little ones listen even when we least expect it.
Sayidna John visited our parish today. He spoke about today’s Gospel and how the blind man who COULD see beyond the ones who had vision. This disabled beggar could see the Lord in his heart and had faith in His healing, His existence. In return, Jesus gave the blind beggar his vision and he followed Christ. We ask our Lord for mercy on us.
Bishop then went on to speak about mercy. What is mercy?Mercy is health, love, peace and so on. God became an infant, completely vulnerable to this world, not some grand king in a palace. Born in the most humble of places, our Lord came to save us.
Bishop then asked, what is a womb? A womb is for the growing babe that gives protection, love, warmth, food and life itself. The Lord is a womb for us. We the people. His followers. I quote Sayidna, “Lord, be for me, a womb. A Giver of abundant everything. “Rahim” (the Arabic word for womb) or “womb,” God created us out of nothingness.”
Christ is Born! Glorify Him! So much joy in that, even amongst the sorrow.
It has been some time since I’ve written anything. I kept avoiding it. Let’s face it, it can be easier to run away than to put pen to paper. I feel rather sick of complaining about how hard my life is, but some of this suffering weighs heavy on my chest. I am reminded of Christ’s suffering on the cross, and how His burden of the world was beyond measurable, but even so, a sick child feels dreadful.
My youngest child and I will be staying in the hospital at the end of January for five days. He will be undergoing testing due to his refractory seizures. After that, neurologists and providers in the neurology field will discuss the testing regarding his case and determine if he would be a candidate for brain surgery. This process of determination will take six weeks. As a reminder, my son was diagnosed with Tuberous Sclerosis Complex, which is a genetic condition, an altered link in a chain within his DNA. His body cannot suppress tumors from growing the way we can. I didn’t even know we were doing that, genetically!
Tuberous Sclerosis Complex (TSC) affects two genes that have been identified by researchers.
Please keep us in your prayers and I’d love to hear from you!
It has been some time since I’ve written, and I having been coasting with the way of the world. I do not actually know what I completely mean by that, BUT life has been a train lost on its tracks. At times I have the destination in mind, the goal, the hope of where we will end or be. But, most of the time, I am humbled. The usual rolling balls and bouncing, bickering, boys headed my way. Like that alliteration? ;]
I am sitting cozily on my porch noticing the heads of colored trees within the cities and buildings. I hear the swishing of cars against a wet pavement. It is a wet and cloudy day, but the colors against the contrast of ‘dull’ pop out at me. I see a man with a cigarette in his mouth, wishing I could have one to calm my nerves, but then I remember to B R E A T H E. The scent of it is good enough.
Our homeschool day was on the “successful” side, glory to God! My middle boy did so well with finding “D”, “E” and “C” on the piano. For science, we created a claw that you would see in one of those “rip off” stuffed animal games, and he screwed in the nuts and bolts. He was pretty happy about it and has been running around the house with it. The new chore that he had fun with was washing dishes! He is still pretty young, so he has time for the excitement to wear off. My eldest child is in an iconography class and is working diligently, seeing the prayer and sweat needed to make such a beauty, St. Herman of Alaska.
I made some bone broth today, (started it yesterday) and I was able to get some into my toddler. He is sixteen months old and still does not eat much for solids, but he was drinking bone from from a cup. Score! Unfortunately, he will see a GI specialist next week and Speech services to help him with this obstacle. Glory to God, he has not had seizures for quite a while.
Tonight I am working on chant, using Tone Six. It is one of the more sorrowful tones and heard during the Paschal services. It makes sense that this tone would be sung around Christ’s death. The imagery of his death helps me to remember that my worries and sins are forgiven. When I sin, (losing my temper this week was a hard one for me), I condemn myself and worry that God might smite me! If I do not apologize to that person right then and there, or find them and apologize, I am done for. Those are the narratives in my head.
I often pray for forgiveness and carry it in my heart towards others. My OCD has been very vibrant with taking advantage of the thoughts that drive me in ongoing nonsense. It often brings to me a despondent state of being. The Jesus Prayer is kept on my lips to ground me, acknowledging a board game with my child, sitting on the couch with my husband, or actually tasting my coffee, not just gulping it down.
What is going on in your mind or homeschool? What brings you back to the ground?
It has been a little bit since I have wrote because I’ve been coasting with the way of the world. I do not actually know what I completely mean by that, BUT life has been busy. I am sitting cozily on my porch noticing the heads of colored trees within the cities and buildings. I hear the swishing of cars against a wet pavement. It is a wet and cloudy day, but the colors against the contrast of ‘dull’ pop out at me. I see a man with a cigarette in his mouth, wishing I could have one to calm my nerves, but then I remember to B R E A T H E. The scent of it is good enough.
I am slowly trying to organize our weeks and seeing how things will fall into place with teaching my children, appointments, sports, and the list goes on. We have implemented some morning time with the infamous “morning basket.” I try to do it at least once or twice a week. We sing a hymn, the Kontakion of the Prefeast of the Nativity, and have been learning it for a few weeks now! I add in CC’s Foundation music as well.
We have a monthly poem and folklore song that we have learned, too! This time is for reading books aloud, poetry, geography, narrations and instruments. We also have times when we indulge in art. That may be outside in the wooded area nearby or something else. “Ancient faith kids” has a great program that has a drawing or some sort of art segment and God’s Word or teachings within it. We listen to Fr. Alexis and the Bible verses read for that day. In addition, the kids and I have recently started listening to, “Let Us Attend,” which reads the Gospel for the upcoming Sunday.
Do you see how my school looks so organized and full of beautiful concepts? Well it is and it isn’t. I’ve left out the arguments, wrestling, balls being thrown and a crying toddler gorilla crawling after me. I do not have my anger filled in-between and tears upon our faces. We are people living with one another, and we all have struggles. The tiny humans we care for struggle and for so long I tried to hide my imperfections. I gave myself permission not to hide them anymore and Oh Man! It felt freeing.
Please share with me, what’s going on in your homeschool? What is going on in your life?
Our baby has been having “atonic-clonic seizures” which are also focal or one sided. The term (atonic) is “loss of muscle tone”. My son goes limp as I catch his falls. He seizes in my arms. My precious baby, I love you.
My husband and I felt we hit rock bottom the last couple of months, as well as some pivotal points all within days. Our sorrow for our son broke us, and thank God, is rebuilding us. What a sacred union marriage is. How it needs to be watered and loved on. Raking in the seeds beneath the soil.
Our beautiful baby boy seized in the farm store today, yet safe in his father’s arms. I explained to my sister in law what was going on as she was standing nearby. It was a beautiful day at the farm with family but that does not prevent chronic illness from showing up. I felt my tears welling up against my eyes as I walked away.
Nothing more to do or say, other than it was still a joyous day..❤️
I am overly excited and flustered preparing for this school year. I have books and boxes lying around and a messy cubby from the previous year. I am slowly organizing the pencil cases, nature gems in tubberware, book lists, etc. I am struck with this overwhelming feeling that causes me to procrastinate on one hand, and too busy running around constantly on the other. I have three kids, two of “school age.” The baby has and needs mounds of attention. I often wonder how people do it with more kids. I feel quite inadequate!
“The Story of King Arthur and his Knights” plays in the background, hoping my boys are grasping some of the content floating around our cozy home. Gueneviere, knights, pearls are the “key words” I am retaining from the audio. Classical conversations I have to thank for that! Our co-op has brought quite the beauty of learning and quality content in our home.
We bought our birthday boy, who just turned five an ant farm, and thanks to their Nana it is set up! They eat fruit and they sting. We also harvested some small, immature carrots from our porch plants! It is not much to some, but it came through…sort of.
Below, I’ve included my very first sourdough bread! My friend came over and showed me how to make it, then generously gifted some of her starter to me! It came out deliishh!
Here are a few more photos to wrap up the summer..
Here’s the disclaimer- These are snapshots of my life. The prettier side that I like to focus on. It was a HARD summer, but Glory to God, and a huge thank you to some good friends. I was not completely alone.
I will never forget the midwife coming to my apartment and saying, “They found something.” I had cheerfully let her in, NOT expecting her to say that. And life went on after that..appointment after appointment. Praying and watching tumors on my baby’s heart, hoping they wouldn’t grow and obstruct pathways to life.
Baby was born with cardiac tumors and growths on his brain. The condition is called Tuberous Sclerosis Complex. He has been having seizures everyday within the last month, and some prior to then. They are not your typical seizure or the kind you think of when you hear the word. He side-smirks like a pirate while cooing. I thought that was his signature look and was so excited to catch on video, even!
My son started having events more often and I became suspicious. I put my “nurse cap” on from time to time and knew something “neuro” was going on. Now he has them about seven times a day with a new medication added on. I am finally happy that my husband talks about what it does to him on the inside. Why he couldn’t rub my belly or feel excitement for our little bundle. Maybe that’s why we were arguing more? Why I felt such a disconnect during a traumatic pregnancy. You are never truly prepared to feel pregnant or alone, never mind both.
I will say, my faith continues to grow more and more. Our baby has given us grounding on this earth. My children in general do that to us. Their Christ likeness is inevitable. We are reminded that all we do is for Him. Every life given is by Him and we are to deliver with love and patience. Boy, do my boys love to test my patience, haha!
Below are some plants my family and I have kept alive. I love planting and attempting to grow food. We combined watermelons and peppers below. There are also carrots and basil. Cheers to life!
Bravery. I wonder how many ways that could look. Do babies know how to be brave? Are the saints fervently praying for them that they show no fear when their parents can’t help but.. Do. Just. That?!
My youngest son has been having multiple seizures a day and he still manages to smile. My middle man (5th birthday is today), insists on staying up past his bedtime and prefers the couch near me. I sing the prayers over him and in front of our prayer corner as his father rests in the rocker. I turn around upon finishing and the room is sleeping.
Alpha – Omega
Not too long ago, my eldest son who is eleven, pointed out that the icon of Christ is on the ceiling of our church, and it says “I am alpha & omega.” Jameson asked me what I thought it meant. I gave the wrong answer of course because my Greek is not existent yet, but he corrected me by saying, “I am first and last.”
Jameson connected this with the Greek Alphabet we’ve been listening to at home. Alpha is the first Greek letter and Omega is the last Greek letter. After a chaotic day (one of many), I was grateful for what has been learned in his heart. Teaching our children with every part of our essential being is quite the cross to carry. The most beautiful and painful cross to hold.
I asked a very good friend of mine what to do when we mess up as parents? What if we screw up our children? What if I damage them when I make my mistakes? What she told me was that she prays to God to fix what she can’t. She prays to the Theotokos to help her to be a good mom. Another good friend of mine shared with me the Akathist to the Theotokos.
Hello dear brothers and sisters in Christ! Thanks for reaching my page! I hope we can establish connection and hopefulness through writing and dialogue. Here was my recent experience at AVC! Enjoy and comment away!
Since I have been back from camp, digesting the whole experience has given me much peace, much joy that has me blessed beyond belief and grateful to be home with family. My mind has painted a picture of the greenery and mountains that were outside my cabin door. I was just sitting in the chair viewing this all while nursing my baby. All the love I received while at camp and the care that I could provide has me optimistic for the future.
The little I could do as a volunteer nurse with baby in hand has made me appreciate this occupation very much. I learned new skills and was able to use past skills in a clientele I was not accustomed to. It was our own mini ED with strong nurses who served God with the care they provided. I left my heart there while I knew it was time for me to head back home. My eldest son is having his first camping experience and it is a total life changer.
Here is the heart shaped rock he handed me. I’ve also included photos of St. Raphael’s grave. I was able to write peacefully at his burial site,as my baby slept, and venerate the Saint.
